Take a deep breath...And JUMP!
“Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” - George Bernard Shaw
I have spent 32 years actively trying to "find myself"...to no avail. Don't get me wrong. I have a spectacular life. I am mom to four amazing kiddos (ages 12, 10, 8, and 7), wife of 14 years to my best friend, and surrounded by love from an abundance of friends and family. I have it GOOD. But...I still don't know who or what I want to be when I grow up and let's face it; I'm there. I'm not just "grown up" at this point, I've almost reached what could very well be my "middle ages". Heaven forbid!
I look at who I am and I am content. CONTENT! Who wants to just be content? Not me. I want my life to be vibrant; full of color, texture, smells (and not just the smell of bleach as I swish the toilets) and new experiences that fill and feed my soul. Let's face it, you other stay at home moms know, our life affords us more freedom than most, but it also comes with the horrible side effect of what I loving refer to as "Groundhog day syndrome".
Due to the baby steps I have taken over the last few years, I feel as though I am already on my way. I have a good start. At this point, I am just a watered down semi-translucent version of the colorful, full of depth self portrait I want to create. So...I am actively going to sculpt, paint, carve, and hammer my vision to life this next year. There couldn't be a better time. For you see, my husband, who I adore; but married right out of high school, is deployed for the next 365 days. His deployment coincides with my Mother's diagnosis of terminal cancer. I talk to her daily and rely on her more than I should. She has been my lighthouse and my husband my rock. I need to learn to be at ease with myself and to have faith that I can provide my own guiding light and be my own anchor. I have never been on my own; never been forced to just sit quietly with myself for long periods of time. (I realize what an oxymoron this statement is as I am now a single parent to the above mentioned four kiddos.) With this rare opportunity to have more time alone, I am going to focus on ME. I want to focus on creating a healthier, happier, more centered and creative self. I know that if I use this time wisely, I can walk away from this experience a better mother, wife,daughter, friend, and artist.
Rather than just be full of words and good intentions, I am putting my plan into action. It is simple really; out of necessity. If it isn't simple, I won't do it. So...here it is:
Health: take my vitamins daily - drink more water - move more - eat less
Heart: take time to connect daily with my children - remember to remind my husband how much I adore him - don't take anyone for granted - take time to connect daily with myself
Soul: paint - write - read - knit - cook - create - hammer (jewelry) - meditate and laugh (not at the same time though)
In an effort to institute this plan, I have started walking about five miles daily with a friend and bought an old lady daily pill dispenser for my vitamins (and yes my children snickered and made fun of me when they saw it). I have resurrected nightly bedtime routines with my children and started having face time with my hubby via the web cam. I hope to continue my weekly painting dates with my Bestie and continue to knit. I have started blogging in an effort to provide myself a place to process my thoughts, provide myself accountability, get some adult interaction with people who don't refer to me as Mom or Hunny, and to encourages others who might be (here comes that dreaded word) Content with their lives, to make a change and actively create who it is you want to be. And......last but not least....I have started a store front on Etsy to sell the fruits of my new found passion for jewelry making. In this way, I hope to help support my family and feed my addiction for creativity.
So...check it out and enjoy. I plan on logging on and providing the world wide web with more of my brain numbing, inane rambling at least once a week. Hope to see you again. Till then. Sending you virtual love and good wishes. Trenda
You are far more colorful than you give yourself credit for, but I look forward to seeing how rich and vibrant you become! Thank you for inspiring me...
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