Snakes, Spiders, and Toad frogs...Oh my!!!

Snakes, Spiders, and Toad frogs...Oh My!!!
Unfortunately this is a true story and is in fact based on actual events

Scene: An average suburban household in Northern Cali.

Cast: Four resident kiddos ages 7, 8, nearly 10 and 12 going on 20; the family dog, snake, and tarantula; and one visiting toad frog - the supposed model for a nature photo shoot by above mentioned 12 year old son and... 1 mother, suffering from terminal allergies and clinging to consciousness through an allergy med induced fog.

Scene 1:
Friday Night:
Upon entering the house, the 12 yr old son discovers an obscenely large toad frog.

12 yr old son

(excited)

Mom! Mom! can I keep him? (displaying the gargantuan toad in his palm)

Taz the Toad

(actual frog pictured)

Mom

(tired and stuffy from allergies)

No.

12 yr old son

(whining)

But Mom....I want to take pictures of him in the daylight tomorrow.

Mom

(exasperated)

Then you may keep him overnight; take your pictures; and release him in the morning.

12 yr old son

YES! His name is Taz the Toad.

Mom

(groans)

Don't name him!  We aren't keeping him!

Fade Out.

Fade In.

Scene 2: Saturday afternoon

Mom is rumpled and crashed on couch; suffering from too many allergies and large doses of Allegra and Sudafed. 

7 yr old daughter

(skipping through living room giggling)

Isn't it funny.

(not a question...just one of her famous leading statements that always precedes bad news that usually leads to getting her three brothers into hot water)

Mom

(groggy)

What?  Isn't what funny?

7 yr old daughter

That the boys lost the toad in the house. (many more giggles)

Mom

(bolting upright on the couch; no longer groggy)

WHAT????

7 yr old daughter

The boys made it a book fort.  Then they went outside to play.  It's not there anymore.

Mom

(voice rising in pitch) 

REALLY?  REALLY?  REALLY?

****flash to Animal Planet informative tidbits:

1. Dead toads smell nasty  2. Toad's poop is the size and shape of cat poop.  3. Did I mention dead toads smell nasty.  4.  Toads need food and water.  These items are not readily available in a child's toy box.

Mom

(still trying not to surrender to the seductive unconsciousness of Sudafed)

(yelling)

BOYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Herd of boy sized elephants comes crashing down the stairs)

In unison; because they know that all too familiar tone of voice:

Yes Ma'am?

Mom

(pleading)

Please tell me there is NOT a toad frog loose in our house.

12 yr old son

Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmm.................

Mom

Go. Now. Find it.  and DO NOT come back down till you have him in hand.

(Mom wearily lays back on the sofa; nursing a headache and cringing at the ensuing thumps, bumps, and crashes issuing from upstairs.)

1 hour later............................................

All 3 boys:

Mom we looked EVERYWHERE. We can't find him.

Mom

Uuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

FADE OUT.

FADE IN.

(24 long hours later of tiptoeing around watching out for cat sized toad frog mines )

Scene 3: Sunday afternoon

Mom

(back on couch...now with box of tissue, cold cloth on head, and still covered with a heavy Sudafed blanket)

(tells daughter)

It's time for your bath.

7 yr old daughter exits living room

5 Minutes later:

7 yr old daughter is screaming excitedly from bathroom

Mom rushes (after untangling herself from her Sudafed blanket) to see what is the matter

THE TOAD HAS BEEN LOCATED!!!!!!!!!

He had made his way to the bathroom in search of water.

Mom gathers all of her brood and lays down the law about wildlife in the house.  NO MORE!  (current dog, corn snake, and tarantula are enough!)

Mom reminds children that despite the fact that the toad has been located...he might have left us a present and they should all be on the lookout.

Toad is ever so gently returned to the wild....The children are returned to the wild...and the Mom crawls ever so happily back underneath her warm and inviting Sudafed blanket in her toad free house.

THE END

FADE OUT.